Touching God

I am a mother of three little beauties who are currently are 5, 3 and 9 months. I am with them most of the time since I work from home. There may be 4 out of the 24 hours of the day that I am not touched by one of them and that's being generous. They want to cuddle, sit on my lap as I read, or crawl into my bed in the middle of the night. Sometimes they touch me for NO REASON AT ALL.

What if one day I told my three, "You can't touch me, only daddy can. If you want to touch me, touch daddy. If you want my guidance, direction, or affirmation, ask daddy. He will ask me and get back to you. If you want to know the plans I have for you ASK. YOUR. DADDY." Our relationship would be weak based only on daddies availability and filtered only through daddies understanding. God forbid something happen to daddy, they would no longer hear my heart, or know my will. The snippets of filtered understanding they got before would cease to exist.

Now imagine it the other way around. What if my littles ONLY wanted daddy. What if they preferred to ask him to ask me what they should do? What if rather than get a hug directly from me they asked daddy to ask me for proof of my love? What if they became comfortable with this arrangement and only touched me in passing because they were near their daddy. I would be HEARTBROKEN.

By now you get where I am going with this, I'm sure. If you are in a place where your relationship with God is dependent on another person you have to question the legitimacy of your faith. If you can only touch God through they remnant crumbs of another's personal encounter I am here to tell you there is more.

God wants you to touch Him (Matthew 11:28). In fact He became flesh, and became a sacrifice unto Himself so that you could go directly to Him (John 1:14). You want guidance and direction? Ask Him (Psalm 119:105). If you need affirmation. You are the apple of His eye!( Psalm 139:14) You want an encounter with Him. Seek Him (Matthew 7:7).

Enough stuffing your face with scraps of anointing from the tables of our teachers encounters. Enough being satisfied with Sunday and Wednesday meat and milk. Enough with starving yourself though out the week, then leaving God's presence unsatisfied!

The morsels are not for you! They are bites to whet the appetite of the unbeliever. The word you hear on Sunday morning should be confirmation of what God has been telling you throughout the week. How else will you know for sure that you are hearing from God through the mouth of your teacher? We have to take responsibility for our faith (Philippians 2:12). We have to stand up in our own lives least our faith be based on another.

Here's the best part! He never tires of our touch! He doesn't mind our dirty hands! In fact He says if we seek Him, He will answer! Oh, how He loves us! I encourage you, spend more time with Him, sneak away for moments in His presence. You will be blessed.

Busy or Fruitful?

As a wife, mother, caretaker, and teacher I have "busy" down. I know how to do busy. I can take on a million task willingly and sacrifice time, money and sleep to get things done. Unfortunately, one of the easiest things to overlook is my quiet time with God. Its easy to say going to services a few times a week, joining a daily prayer line and trying to commit my daily Bible verse to memory is enough, but the fact of the matter is it, isn't.

I will use marriage as an example because my husband is the most important person in my life. If I went out with him while in a group, included him in a group conversation and only knew His characteristics by the insights others shared based on there time with him. Our marriage would be fun at times, even enlightening but it would be far from the truly intimate relationship we desire to have. How then is it okay to devalue our time with God. We should seek after Him like a bride stealing glances at her groom. Looking for opportunities to steal away.

In Luke 10:38-42 Martha, frustrated, asks Jesus to reprimand Mary for sitting in his presence rather than help her serve the group. In verse 41 Jesus says, "Martha, Martha you are worried and troubled about many things." Busyness equates to worry and being troubled. It is not God's will for us to be worried in fact His word says the opposite. He instructs us to give Him our cares because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). Matthew 11:30 tells us God's yoke is easy, His burden is light.

If you follow God you should not worry. Worry equals fear. Fear equals hiding or covering, more specifically burying. In Matthew chapter 25 we find a story about a man who buried what his master gave him because he was afraid. We cannot act in fear. It goes against the nature of Christ. If we bury our talents, purpose, callings even if it is by doing good things it leads to bareness in a place where God intended there be fruit.

So how then can we as believers be fruitful?

There is really only one way. Spend one on one time with God. I recently had a friend ask me what my time with God looks like. Everyone is different but I love to start with worship. I spend time acknowledging who God is, thanking Him, talking about my hopes, and concerns then I ask His will. I read His word and just sit in silence waiting for Him to give me an impression. Then I confirm if it is God by reading and studying His word.

Luke 10:42 tells us to choose the good thing, which is spending time with God. Romans 8:14 lets us know, sons of God are led by His spirit. John 10:27 lets us know that if we are Gods sheep we follow His voice. 2 Timothy 2:15 tells us to study the word of God.

He wants to know us and He wants us to know Him. If what you are doing does not enhance your relationship with God there is no good fruit in it.

Why I Can't Follow My Peace

I like peace. I like things to go smoothly, people to be happy and everyone to get along. Naive? Maybe. Unrealistic? Definitely! So now I am in a position where I have to willingly disturb the peace.

When I pray, I always ask for God's will to be done. I want what He wants and I realize that doesn't always look like what I think it should. It does not require, my input or opinion but it does require my faith and action. It does not require my peace. 

Matthew 10:34 Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

Doing what God requires always causes division somewhere. It is human nature to measure the good against the bad and to use our wisdom to justify our actions or inaction. However, when we use God's Word as the standard there is no justification. We WILL fall short but upon noticing where we fall short it is our duty as believers to measure ourselves against The Word and then allow God to pull us up. 

This is our cross to bear, to choose to step out of what comfortable and to do instead what is right. To stand alone if necessary to follow Christ. Not hiding behind the authority of parents or the responsibility of raising children but deciding instead to choose Christ above all else.

So how can I produce peace if I have none? Isn't peace a fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)? Peace, real peace, not the superficial fleeting peace based on feelings that change with the situation. Real peace is rooted in faith that you are doing what God wants you to do and that if you aren't, God knowing your heart will correct you. 

Real peace is a reward for obedience, not a prerequisite for action. 

Good Intentions

As  I am visiting with a friend I hear the water running outside
I yell out the screen door. "KJ turn off that water!" "Okay mom!" He replies and I hear the faucet is being shut off. A few minutes later I hear the water running again.
"KJ!"
"Yes mommy?"
"Is that water back on?"
"Yes." He sighs knowing he is in big trouble.
"Come inside and go get in the bed until I come talk to you."
"I was just trying to water the grass," he mumbles as he comes in and goes to his room.

I turn to my friend an explain to her KJ's position.

"I was just trying to water the grass, after all in the heat of summer the grass is now in patches in the backyard. The grass needed water. What was the big deal? I was being helpful. I was doing what needed to be done. I took initiative and now I am being punished for it. I don't understand."

As I went on and on she stopped me and said, "Okay, okay I get it."

See this is how we are when it comes to things that God tells us not to do. We hear it all the time, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." In fact that is one of my favorite quotes. The problem wasn't that he was watering the grass. He was being disobedient. He thought he could see and understand things I couldn't. He was mistaken. Isn't this how we are with God. We see an opportunity and though God tells us to stop, wait, or move we decide on our own. We know He is older than us, wiser than us, stronger than us but we still want to do what we feel is right based on the information we have on hand. Isaiah 55:8-9

My sweet boy had forgotten that just a few days earlier as soon as the sprinklers were turned off a very large snake crossed the yard. He does not realize that our state is in a drought and he has absolutely no idea that the water he is frivolously using is a utility that needs to be paid for. In his mind he was doing the right thing.

It blesses me so much when God allows me to see myself in my children, because once I see myself in them I am better able to respond to them as close as I can to the way God responds to me.

State Testing

Why are test so stressful?! Today SJ's education specialist from the charter school came by to give her a kindergarten assessment. So a few things happened.

First the ES per an earlier conversation was supposed to be here at 9am but she sends me a text at 8:50 asking if "can meet today?" Hint: She isn't coming at 9 so we start our school day late because of course I spent the early morning running around cleaning, and getting the kids dressed.

**I have a confession, most days when we are not leaving the house I let my kids wear what they want. Today I picked their clothes with little protest from them because they were excited to have a visitor.**

So I start school late, get them through all but science and our ES comes at 11:30. In the previous post you can see we end our school day by noon because I have noticed that after that time it is very difficult to get my kids to sit still or listen to anything instructive. They prefer to go outside and play, go figure. So she shows up to test SJ who immediately goes into "what can I get away with" mode.

Now I'm frustrated, SJ is restless and the ES is ready to give her the assessment. She starts with asking SJ letters that are mixed up, SJ does good missing only one or two after declaring that she wanted to do something else.

She goes from what the letters are to how each letter sounds, same result. SJ is then presented with short vowel words and asked to sound them out. She does the first one, skips the next two and gets the fourth right. She doesn't want to read the long vowel words at all and by the time we get to the sight words the only ones she wants to say is "a" and "is".

So I am sitting there frustrated because my ability to teach my child is wrapped up in this assessment presented by an ES who has just met my child and has no idea how brilliant she is! I desperately need this affirmation so that I can  prove to the imaginary "perfect mom" in my head that I can best her. So here I am asking myself why this test was so important.

 See my identity is not wrapped up in what I do, how smart I am or how well my child scores on an assessment. My identity is wrapped in I Am and I homeschool my children not for my glorification but for His. I guess the test wasn't for SJ at all. I hope I passed.

Marriage Talk

Punishment or Consequence

Today my little KJ got in trouble about 30 minutes before nap time. His consequence was that he was no longer allowed to play and had to go to bed. He cried and screamed, calming down only to hear my decision and apologize. Then he asked me for cuddles.

 Cuddles?! Little boy don’t you know you are in trouble? Don’t you know what you did was wrong and you made me mad? Though it was just a moment, it was at this moment I had a choice to discipline or to punish my son.

See he already was informed about the consequence of his actions and he was experiencing that hurt but would me withholding my physical affection be to further add to the lesson or would it be in retaliation. A response based out of my anger rather than my love. So I caved.....

As I held him in my arms I began to think of how familiar this situation is in my life. I’ve made decisions and suffered consequences but God has never withdrawn his affection for me. Two scriptures whispered in my heart as I held this sweet, growing boy in my arms.

 “I will never, leave you or forsake you…” Heb. 13:5
Even when I mess up, even as I am experiencing the results of my decisions?
“I will never, leave you or forsake you…”
Even when I scream and yell with my life, or when I throw a tantrum with my actions?
 “I will never, leave you or forsake you…”

 The other scripture I was reminded of was Romans 8:1 “There is therefore no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit.”

To condemn someone means to sentence them to punishment. My boy who has not yet decided to live his life in Christ sees first my example of God’s love. Through his 2 year old eyes, he cannot discern discipline from punishment. So, I must teach him. Though his actions may cause some unpleasant reactions God’s love wont fail, and this must be demonstrated through both my action and reactions.

New Shoes

These shoes, these very cute shoes belong to Summer and they are two small. At the ripe young age of two years old SJ loves shoes especially this pair, which she's outgrown. 

I'm sitting here watching her try to squeeze into these too small shoes. I've tried explaining they're too small, they will be uncomfortable if she gets them on and though they're cute they are no longer good for her growing feet. This is when God tapped me on the shoulder. 

Have you ever been in a comfortable place to long? Have you felt God prompting you to move? To go into a new season? To grow into something means you grow out of something. I, like all of you, have a comfort zone. This place is cozy and comfortable but every now and then things get too tight and then things change.

The Israelites had a comfort zone and they were pushed way out of it. Cool thing is where they were going was greater than where they'd left. They were in slavery but had gotten comfortable operating in bondage. In the same way we get comfortable operating in sin. When they'd reached a point of discomfort God created a way of escape and gave them the opportunity to obtain something better. Some of us are operating in relationships, jobs, or seasons we've outgrown but we try to remain there because it's comfortable. 

God doesn't want you comfortable, he wants you thriving. He doesn't want you in bondage He wants you to operate in freedom. He doesn't want you to be a borrower, He wants you to be a lender. God doesn't want you where you are, He wants you to thrive in His promise for your life. 

Unfortunately, the Israelites that were freed from captivity didn't enter the promised land, they could not let go of their comfort zone enough to go in; but you can. You can decide now, today to leave where you are spiritually, physically, relationally, emotionally and decide to walk into Gods promise for you. 

You can decide to accept God into your heart and make a decision today to leave the comfort of sin and walk instead in the freedom of love. What God has for you is so much better than what you can get for yourself. Take off those uncomfortable shoes, Gods got you a new pair. 

I hurt!

"I hurt! I hurt! I hurt!" My two year olds screams echo through the house as she begs for a bandaid to cover...a scar. She is doing this to put off nap time but it made me take a look at myself. See this is an old scar, from a self inflated wound, it's a small scar, but to her its huge especially when a challenge arrives. 

How many times have we screamed to God that we're hurting over a situation He has already healed? How many times do we use the excuse of past pain as a reason to disobey what God is telling us to do. We yell, "I hurt! I hurt!" While God is prompting us to walk in our healing and obey. Scars serve a evidence of a past offense but they also serve as a reminder of God's grace and our overcoming a hurt. That place where the scar is, is stronger and it's mark serves as a badge of triumph. So stop screaming it hurts, suck it up, and obey. 

1 Peter 2:24 who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed. 

Romans 5:3-5 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. 

Shine Through

This week my husband spoke at his first leaders conference. Despite being nervous he did an excellent job. Later we talked about steps he could take to be more comfortable on stage when he expressed this very humble concern. He wants to be comfortable enough to effective but he doesn't want to be so comfortable that he presents himself more than he shares what God is using him to say.

As I prayed and thought about this conversation I realized, not presenting yourself in any situation is very hard to do. Especially with parenting. Our children know more about us than anyone else, save our spouses. They know what makes us happy or sad. They know if we have a temper or if we use harsh language. Our kids see us at our most comfortable, in our most vulnerable state. They should see through us, the love of Christ.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. 

Our love for God should invade our lives so much that it seeps into our conversations with our children, that it's evident in our dealings with them and around them. They should know our love for God and more importantly Gods love for them. 

Father, 

We love you. Thank you for being the wonderful parent you are and for showing us how to be parents through your word. Shine through us and touch the hearts of our children, use us to show them your unfailing love. We love you, we thank you, and we can't do this without you. Amen.

Take a nap

Some days Summer can get away with not taking a nap; other days she NEEDS a nap. She gets so frustrated, everything makes her upset, it gets to the point sometimes where she is too mad to sleep. Isn't this how we get?

We get so frustrated with our finances, work, family, or even church. We get so overwhelmed that everything is an irritant and offense. We get so emotionally wound up that we don't know where or how to spiritually calm ourselves down enough to rest. 

Well we as parents need to find time to rest and recharge so we can be better parents, so we can pull the all nighters, so we can clean the epic messes and dispel the craziest tantrums.

Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 

Rest is a relaxing period free from exertion. In the above verse Jesus tells us we can get rest through Him. Sometimes these days are a labor, they even feel heavy at times. Jesus tells us to come to Him. What a relief to find rest in Christ Jesus. So when you start getting overwhelmed and easily offended, take a few steps back, find a way of escape and go take a spiritual nap. 

Thank you father for the sabbath. Thank you for reminding us of the importance of resting in you. Thank you for the beautiful children you have entrusted us with and the wonderful lessons they bring. In Jesus name, amen. 

Let it go God will Multiply it

Summer was on my phone playing a game but my phone had a low battery. I plugged in my charger near her table so she could sit and play on my phone while it charged. However, getting the phone from her hands to plug it in was a battle. If she'd just let me plug it into a power source, she could play for hours; without it she had minutes. 

It made me think, "What am I not giving back to God?" Sometimes in life we hold on so hard to friendships, relationships, jobs, money and even our time. God doesn't take anything from us unless its to bless us, but letting go can also be a blessing to those around us. 

In John 6 Jesus feeds the 5,000 and has food left over because a little boy gave what little he had. This action not only blessed the boy but those around him. Further in John 19 Jesus gave his life for millions and has blessed is tremendously.

So if you feel God prompting you to let something go, or if someone in your life is leaving you behind. It's ok. Let go, plug into the source and expect something great!

God,

Thank you for being our ever present power source. Thank you for the things you have removed and added to our lives. We trust you and we live out our lives in anticipation. Following your word and looking for your lessons and blessings in our everyday lives. You are amazing and we love you. In Jesus name, Amen.

Annoyances or strengths?

Yesterday my husband and I talked about our differences and though they cause annoyances at times they are often a blessing. For example, I am very creative, Kristian is very efficient. Well, creativity is a process and being efficient doesn't always yield my desired results. Creativity is also very spontaneous so Kristian doesn't always know what to expect from me, which is frustrating for someone who doesn't like surprises. These differences are a great blessing in our lives, family and marriage. I need security and knowing my husband is diligent and willing to go the extra mile provides me with a sense of security. It also gives security to our children because they know that daddy always comes home, and that he will drop everything and play with them. My creativity helps make our family fun. I love finding new ways to explore things with the kids and new approaches to teach them the things they need to know. 

This got me thinking, what are some things about the kids that are challenging but a blessing to our family? Summer is unrelentingly persistent. I know it's redundant but if you met her you will agree, it fits. She in unwavering when she wants something. She makes us stop and analyze our interaction with God. She teaches us to stop and play, to color outside the lines and to dance in the grocery store aisles. She brings us such joy.

KJ is so calm and peaceful, no matter what. We've been having really rough nights so we haven't been getting much sleep but when he wakes up and I go into his room he looks up at me and smiles. Teaching us though life gets hard, joy can prevail. At 4.5 mos old we are still learning his personality but he is a great blessing. Defiantly a calm in the midst of the storm of life. 

I just want to encourage you today to look at your child(ren)'s personality even the things that annoy you and how those traits bless your family. It's not by accident your child is in your care. Acts 17:26 "And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings," God picked you to care for them, he trusted you with their little souls to raise to be who they will be. 

Thank you God for these little people who come equity with such wonderful lessons of your love. Please continue to equip us with the knowledge of your word so we can use wisdom in raising our children. Please send people into our lives that will call out the best in us as people, parents, and your children. Help is be a blessing and to raise blessings. In Jesus name, amen. 

Forgiveness and children

Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

I've never looked at forgiveness and thought of my children. However, today while correcting SJ, my two year old, God placed the above scripture on my heart. As wonderful as parenting is sometimes its easier to apply God's word to our lives outside of our home then it is to raising our children.

It's easy to have a rough night or long day then get an attitude especially when you find yourself saying the same thing over and over again. Or you may, like myself, wonder if your discipline would be more effective if you had an attitude or disaproving look to go with the correction but the bible tells us to train our children. We train them through our example and the way we forgive them and those around us will serve as a model for them to follow. 

I want God to forgive me quickly, I want Him to forget the offense and every time I fall I want His reaction to be as if I fell for the first time. This challenges our paitence, longsuffering and even kindness as parents. Afterall, forgiveness is the only thing in the bible where God action mirrors ours.

Just a Thought

Matthew 7:9-11 Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! 

When i read this scripture I'm not only reminded of God's love for me, but how lacking my love is as a parent. God loves us, and our children, so much that He sent His only son to die for us (John 3:16). Yet we look at interactions between our children and ourselves and compare them to our interactions with God. We as parents must always keep in mind that we are more likely to act like our children when relating to God, then we are to act like God when relating to our children.

God's Grace for Parents

Yesterday I spent two hours on the phone with my mother in law. After comparing out childhoods and that of my husbands we came to the conclusion they weren't "normal." I then began to think, "I want to raise 'normal' kids. I want them to have balance between a fun and responsible childhood. How can I do that?" Then God reminded me of His grace.

One person who shows us God's grace is Jesse. Jesse had eight sons. I'm sure he did his best will all of them; after all he raised strong men some of which served in the kings army. Samuel, the high priest, shows up at Jesse's house and tells him he is there to find the next king. He than asks to see his sons. Jesse shows him the first seven.

1 Samuel 16:10-11 Thus Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel. And Samuel said to Jesse, “The Lord has not chosen these.” And Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all the young men here?” Then he said, “There remains yet the youngest, and there he is, keeping the sheep.”And Samuel said to Jesse, “Send and bring him. For we will not sit down till he comes here.” 

I don't think Jesse loved David any less than he did his other boys, he just did not consider him when the chance to be king was on the table. Jesse raised David as a shepherd. I imagine had he known David would be king he would have made different choices, but that's where God's grace comes in.

God did not need Jesse to train David on kingship. God was going to train him. If you continue reading 1 Samuel you will see God used life to teach David wisdom, resourcefulness and most importantly to trust him; but he did all this in the wilderness. Jesse, having taught David to be a shepherd, equip him to survive the wilderness. 

Due to his shepherd training David was able to defeat Goliath, he was able to lead and he was able to protect. God used Jesse to lay that foundation. 

When Samuel sees David and anoints him king, I imagine Jesse questioning David's upbringing. This story, however, gives me peace because I know despite my children's purpose, my responsibility is to do my best to lay a foundation, that God will use life experience, to build upon. 

Daddy, 

Thank you for the foundations that you are building through us in the lives of our children. Help us to read your word and to seek after your heart concerning your plans for them. Thank you for trusting us with such precious souls and help us to guide, instruct, and train them in your way. In Jesus name. Amen. 

Blanket of Love

When we moved into our apartment in AZ I was pregnant with KJ. The apartment manager went home and told her mother in law. This was in August. By October I had this beautiful blanket (pictured below). December 31, 2012 the apartment manager lost her husband. She explained to me, he had been sick a long time and their family expected him to go at anytime. So when I see my son wrapped in this blanket I'm reminded that as a woman was watching her sons life slip away, she was making something for my son as his life was being developed.

The apartment manager and her mother in law moved closer to family and I will probably never see the apartment manager again or meet her mother in law but I'm so grateful that God used her to bless me. I call this a random act of kindness from God, and I call the blanket a blanket of love. 

Worshiping Through

My sweet girl is teaching me to worship through. To understand how powerful this video is let me tell you about her morning. She woke up and wanted yogurt for breakfast, we didn't have any more. As her dad fixes breakfast I shower and prepare for a client who's coming to get her hair done. She wants me out of the shower and playing with her instead. We're scrambling around cleaning so Summer's morning was filled with, "stop, wait, don't touch that, no, and put it back."  

Finally, we were done with the busyness or the morning and we put on some music. Immediately her hand shoots up into the air, her eyes close, her head bows and shakes as she walks through the house saying, "Hallelujah." This is what it looks like to worship through. Sometimes we get into a place where God tells us "stop, wait, don't touch that, no, and put it back." We get frustrated, much like my 23 month old. However, when the opportunity comes to worship we need to take it. Worshipping did not get Summer the things she wanted, but that wasn't the intent of her worship. It did, for a moment in time make everything else insignificant. Worship changes the atmosphere. Her worshipping touched my heart and I'm sure it moved the heart of God. 

Psalm 29:2 Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name;Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.  

A Little About Me

Before getting pregnant I had a plan. I knew exactly how things would go. My husband and I had just gotten married. We would wait three years, two if I could reach my goal sooner. During that time I would work my butt off and get to the point in my career where I could work from home. I would finish my MBA and be done with school all before my first trimester of pregnancy. We would have two incomes and be financially stable so we could raise our children without much worry. Sounds good right?

Well God revealed to me that my plan had nothing to do with Him. It did not require much faith, or any room to grow closer to Him. Sure I could have penciled that into my plan but God did not want to be penciled in to my life He wanted to consume my life. Proverbs 19:21(NIV) says, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose which prevails.”

My having a plan wasn’t the problem, the problem was I did not make sure my plan lined up with God’s purpose for my life. As the word of God says His purpose prevailed in my life. Six months into being married, I got pregnant and my whole world changed. I was working as a temp for an HVAC company, working on my MBA and learning the ropes on being a wife.

When I was 5 months along with my daughter, Summer, I was placed on bed rest and my husband became the sole provider for our family. It was unexpected, and it was a stretch of faith. Even then, God was using this precious baby girl to teach me to rest in Him. Being pregnant and on bed rest was one of the hardest things for me to do.

I felt fine, I looked fine but there was something going on inside of me that required me to be still. Have you ever felt God stilling you when all you want to do is run? I wanted to be out and about, I wanted to work, I had a plan, but God told me to rest and wait.

With my next pregnancy it wasn't as hard to trust God. My husband’s job moved us to a new state, my blood work during pregnancy showed early signs of cancer and I was far away from my friends. This time I knew to trust God and rest. I could see this child, my son, was teaching me early. God blessed me with good friends, after much prayer and months of testing it was found that I did not have cancer, and my son Kristian II was born perfectly healthy.

Since then we have added third child. AJ and she is just the sweetest little baby girl. Life is still crazy, fun, and so full of joy. I see myself in my kids all the time. Not so much in their features as in their actions. I thought I was older spiritually but God is revealing to me that, at times, I don’t act much older than the children I am raising. While trying to raise children for a purpose, God is yet still raising me.

Updated 9/2016

Quiet That Tongue!

At church last night Pastor Rich of Destiny Church spoke on creating a culture in your home. This reminded me of a word God gave me concerning things we speak over our children.

Zechariah was told by an angel of the Lord, he and Elizabeth would have a child. Zechariah questioned God and was struck dumb until his son’s birth. Sometimes the plan God has for us or our children is so beyond us that we question its validity.

God has laid out a purpose that is impossible to complete without him. Thank God for His mercy! Rather than take away Zechariah's son and give the gift of his parenthood to another couple He took away Zechariah's ability to compromise that gift or the circumstances surrounding it.

Dream big and speak life into the dreams of others around you. If you don't understand it, it is better to quiet your tongue than to speak against a God given dream.  

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

Every now and then I convince my husband to share his thoughts. This is what he has to say on the subject. 

Zechariah story is such a great encouragement, because it shows the power a man has over what he speaks in his home; it also shows how lightly we take that power. I've been guilty of looking at my circumstances, rather than looking to heaven, and speaking to my problems like they are bigger than God. Zechariah felt this too and in his lack of faith he spoke against his own child, John, and his greatness. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 13:3 says, "Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin." 

Zechariah's inability to speak was a blessing; he could not speak against his sons destiny. Imagine he retained the ability to speak. I'm sure the story would have been quite different. He would have placed doubt in his wife's heart with his words. His words and our words as fathers and husbands are powerful because we operate as priest of our homes.

Unfortunately, our mouths aren't sealed. I don't see many mute men walking around, as I do damaged children and hurt wives. Our words have power, either we use that power and authority to build our families or to tear them down.

So, instead of speaking against your children by telling them how bad they are or how disappointed you are in them. Speak life into them by telling them who God has called them to be. Tell them who they are at their best. Speak against the behavior you don't want to see in your children by speaking life into who God has called them to be.

- Kristian James